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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby eimar » Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:36 pm

Me and my daughter was always very close. She used to get very mad if someone ever said anything bad about her mother or her brother. I have raised her now for 18 yrs. I spoiled her and know thats my fault, and i see by doing so i have created a very ungrateful daughter. Now about 6 months before she turned 18 she got with a boyfriend, whom has very little to do with me, or her brother. He lives in another county, and he only sees her on the weekends. However since the day she turned 18 she is all about him and his family and turned against me and her own family. As if we are unworthy, unwanted, and unneeded. I have seen things she has typed on the computer to him and his family putting me down. And saying i am being negative and she cant wait to move. Well, she told me months ago she was moving in with him and his parents after she graduates highschool in May. I was okay with that. However, now i have seen and heard her talking badly about me to him and his family. And them talking bad of me, such as I get on her nerves, how i am being negative because they had decided to rent a place of their own. They put a down payment down on a house with 400.00 dollars without jobs to pay for it. And her wanting me to continue paying her high dollar car insurance and cellphone bill. They are suppose to move at the first of June, but must start paying rent in May. Well, she has 3 checks from disability off of my disabilty that statrted coming in her name as of March. She only has 2 checks left to come. And she is saving them for the house, but isnt able to get a job at this time because where they are going to be living is an hr. away from school and she will have to wait till after graduation to find a job. And it can only be a part time job at that because she is going to College in the fall. I really think she has been brainwashed by him and his family. And i was never being negative about her and him renting a house, my concern was how are they going to pay for it. For he isnt looking for work and her money is going to go down the drain. And her checks stop as of May. They are not wanting to listen to any advice i have tried to give them. No, they are listening to his Aunt. His Aunt sat down and figured up their bills and an income they do not have yet, and told them " yes yall can make it just fine" and his Aunt was not including my daughters insurance or cellphone bill. For obviously they think they can just have me to continue paying it. And it is breaking me and putting me in the poor house to pay her bills. I was using her part of the disabilty to pay her bills, now shes keeping the checks and still expecting me to pay her bills, and if i dont then she says im no kind of mother. And his family isnt paying his car insurance or his cell, and because i dont agree with them getting ahead of themselves and putting all her money forth to try and keep the house therefore they say i am negative. I am bad. I have no faith. etc etc. All at the same time, they never spend weekends here at my house, they have no use for me. Just my money. I am hurt to the bone. Ive gave her everything she ever wanted and needed for her to act like i dont exist anymore and his family is pointing out to her she should not listen to anything i have to say. They have made it clear they do not like me, and this week she is off over a week of school for spring break, and of course she is with them, she wont even answer my phone calls, and me paying her service. I have heart problems, and go into surgery on April 9th, 2012. She doesnt seem to care. I have been sick for years, but little did i know it was my heart. She has refused to help with housework or anything. But the bottom line is, she is making bad decisions, listening to them. Counting on a income they neither one have, getting ahead of themselves. And yes, i can just keep my mouth shut and sit back and watch it all fall thru. They never cared to look at the bigger picture. Like paying lights, and groceries, gas for school and they are depending on me with a small fixed income to continue paying her bills, and iF i choose not too, shes already said she wouldnt have anything to do with me. I never thought she would ever be like this, and i wasnt negative, i was actually the only person being realistic. Her boyfriend has sat and wasted years of not getting a real job. And its been over a month since they put all that money down on the house and he still hasnt looked for work. Also, the fact they are talking behind my back. And my own daughter putting me down to them, and they tell her to get away from me, to ignore me. And she is listening to them only. I was even told to keep my mouth shut, they will do what they want and take his Aunts advice only. I dont want her hurt at me and knowing if i dont pay her bills they will for sure lose the house. But i am being used. I love her with all my heart and always been there for her. and they have managed to brainwash her against me. H
eimar
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby abrao » Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:37 pm

Thats really sick ,your daughter is growing up and you need to leave her alone to see what her decisions have to offer for her. When shes ready to apologize then welcome her back with open arms in the distant future( if she even apologize). I know its really difficult to accept but you need to face.By the way its not good for your health , shes undeserving of you she is a B****(sorry to say) you need to tell her that she have not been treating you right and if she cares about her boyfriend and his family more than you then tell her to go get the money from them, plus you should say you don't wont nothing to do with me I want nothing to do with you if you want me out of your life I want you out of my life to and that includes not paying your bills (if you want to say that.) I would love to curse out your daughter because I love my mom and i dont know how i would make it through life without her , and your daughter should see it to because shes still dependent of you.
abrao
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby forgael » Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:41 pm

Thats really sick ,your daughter is growing up and you need to leave her alone to see what her decisions have to offer for her. When shes ready to apologize then welcome her back with open arms in the distant future( if she even apologize). I know its really difficult to accept but you need to face.By the way its not good for your health , shes undeserving of you she is a B****(sorry to say) you need to tell her that she have not been treating you right and if she cares about her boyfriend and his family more than you then tell her to go get the money from them, plus you should say you don't wont nothing to do with me I want nothing to do with you if you want me out of your life I want you out of my life to and that includes not paying your bills (if you want to say that.) I would love to curse out your daughter because I love my mom and i dont know how i would make it through life without her , and your daughter should see it to because shes still dependent of you.
Well, when she moves out with the boyfriend, do this.

Cut off any financial support and let the guy take care of her.

Don't be dumb and keep supporting THEM. You need the
money to take care of yourself !!!
forgael
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby zigor » Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:46 pm

Drop her like a sack of rocks and she will come crawling back once he dumps her. Then you can say 'I told you so'
zigor
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby collingwood » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:00 pm

Woah that is one long message. My friend, I so much understand you loving your daughter, I love my mama very much and I would do anything for her, she spoiled me... But I owe her.... It looks like shes been watching too many romantic movies, either that... or that guys one of those pricks and your daughter likes those types very much.... Welll, pretty please try this.... Try sitting down and having a very calm, very important conversation with her, if she doesn't reply logicallly with a, I love you so much mother, and i appreciate you taking care of me... Then she needs a taste of how sucky life is, boyfriends not caring, cheating, alll of that bad stuff and having to pay your own bills...

Maybe she senses how wonderful of a mother you are, if she replies negatively to your simple request of caring about you more, pretty please telll her to make her boyfriend pay for her phone and insurance... If she doesn't want to be under mommys wing anymore, she doesn't need to be using mommy either.. thats just not right, man... I so very wish I could give you a good life and companionship that she won't, or help in some way other than giving what i've learned to you
collingwood
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby telutci44 » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:01 pm

Just pull back, cut her off, and be there when she returns, because she will. All three of my younger sisters were nightmares in their late teens, and each one moved out and thumbed their noses at my parents until they figured out how life really worked (i.e., they learned that money did not magically fall from the sky). Your daughter can't be any different.
telutci44
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby meng86 » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:17 pm

Don't worry it's just a phase. Right now she feels like he the only one that matters. Love is selfish. A girl in love would pick her boyfriend over god. She's making a mistake. Just relax and let her learn from it.
meng86
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby baruch63 » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:32 pm

Sadly she is at a time in her life when she wants to rebel because she now has her freedom she has been waiting so long for. Everyone goes through it, some are just more severe than others. Her nagging on you is just her venting, and she exaggerates way more than needed to get a pity party from her newly acquainted boyfriend. His allure to her is the fact that he is everything she hasn't experienced. And knowing that you disapprove will make her like it even more. In the long run she will look back and say "what was I thinking?" but at the moment she has tunnel vision. If she expects you to pay for her bills while she is out and on her own, the simplest way to put it to her is; "you are now an adult, and as such you have to start paying your own bills. If you can't handle that, then I guess it's time to cut some expenses. Trade your phone in for a cheaper one, change your plan, trade in your car for an older model... Do what you have to do but I am no longer responsible for your financial matters. You may want to go back to your bf's aunt and recalculate your finances, but from now on if you want to be on your own, you have got to be mature and take care of your responsibilities like the rest of us." Hopefully the realization that she can't make it will change her mind.
baruch63
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby elmoor » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:34 pm

Children are raised to become independent adults. If they leave the house, you've done a good job. Now that she is an adult, leave her be. It may be hard to let go, but it will benefit the both of you. Seriously, let her make her decisions and mistakes. Focus on yourself. Make yourself happy. If she comes back around, and trust me, she will, simply remind her that she is an adult, she made her choices and you do not owe her anything. You're going be alright. Good luck to you.
elmoor
 
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Why is my daughter choosing her boyfriend and his family over her own mother?

Postby clay » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:45 pm

you need to stand up to her.

im 11 yr old and if someone stood up to me i would back off.

if she is rly a nice sweet person she will back of.
clay
 
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