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Which Idea Sparks More Interest?

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Which Idea Sparks More Interest?

Postby Darwin » Tue Oct 10, 2017 8:50 am

In another question of mine, I asked which story sounded more interesting. A tale about a serial arsonist or a serial killer. I've gotten about half and half and I figured I would provide manuscript excerpts of both to see which one people find more interesting.

Now, please believe that I'm not doing this to show-off or anything. I really have to decide between one or the other because they both have very similar details. I don't think there's much point in showing off work online just for the ulterior motive of getting people to say, "Oooh, you're story's good!" Because, you know, it's immature and most of the time, the answerer's just being nice. Don't want to sound like a jackass, but I think it's true. Not to say that my work is worthy of praise, I don't think it much is... Enough of my rambling though. Here are the two excerpts:

Serial killer story: This is the very first part of the manuscript I wrote.

Chapter 1

A stray leaf. Shriveled and dried into a seared, yet oddly artistic color of orange and brown. It?s origins unknown, it?s destination to be discovered. Cracked and alone, it allowed the night air of autumn to carry it directly over a barren road; accompanied by nothing but trees and a collection of various people of various histories standing near the empty cars.

It had come to the end and lowered itself onto the moist flesh of and unknown man. Naked, cold, stiff and observed, the man?s face was looking toward the moonlit sky, motionless.

Oliver Carmen stood near the head of the young man and scanned the young man?s empty eye sockets with a flashlight.

?Get close-ups of those leg wounds.?

This isn?t the first time. There was an unsettling resemblance between the now and the past - 20 years ago. He had achieved celebrity status for his capturing of the killer. Reminiscent of the Eliot Ness and Al Capone story. It?s better to be an ignorant nobody than the all-too-wise somebody.

The things Carmen has realized about his own nature, raised a moral ambiguity of character that no man should experience.

?Looks like we got rope burns here. He might be listed in missing persons.?

The fact that he soon saw that he might have to experience similar events made him entertain thoughts of retirement. The memories from that case weren?t worth dredging up to save a planet that?s doomed anyway.

Serial arsonist story: This is also taken from early in the story, but not the very beginning. I wanted to demonstrate crime scene scenarios and the beginning of this story was about Mainville cheating on his wife.

Chapter 1

It?s not like he wanted it. He was basically stuck with it. Combing through ashes trying to gain some insight on what was doubtlessly a ******* insurance fraud scheme. That?s what they always are. He maintained the mentality that if these assholes didn?t do their job of setting fire to their own homes (while conveniently securing their precious belongings beforehand) he wouldn?t have a job. Recently, however, he realized that if it wasn?t for these assholes, he wouldn?t be hung up in arson, but instead with the big-shots up in homicide. Place burns down, it?s initially intentional that the poor bastards inside were burnt to a crisp while their entire world was engulfed in flames around them, only to be proven later that it was just an accident. More **** gets done and he wouldn?t have to show fake sympathy for the idiot who thought he could get away with it.

This time was different. Not much point in insurance if you?re dead. Detective Mainville looked down at the kid in the bed. Gender was indiscernible for right now. The prayer effect had made the child resemble one pantomiming his wishes of being picked up by a parent. Mother and Father were both out of bed. They burned. The kids? rooms were far enough way, the carbon monoxide probably got to them before the fire did - parents weren?t so lucky.

It?s always somewhat bittersweet to see two lovers dead in each others arms. They stayed together to the end. These two were on opposite ends of the room. The wife (or the entity that looked more like a woman than the other charred corpse) lay face down not four feet from the bed. Husband lay propped up against the wall like a rag doll, limbs retracted, face contorted painfully. What a shitty way to go?

I hate showing my works to people, but I'm having trouble deciding. Help would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time.
Darwin
 
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Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2014 3:29 pm

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