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What Do You Think Of My Writing?

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What Do You Think Of My Writing?

Postby Aram » Sun Oct 01, 2017 5:51 am

Mainly, does it give you enough information to be interested in continued reading? Thank you for your time.

Starway Enterprises lands down on a dreary trade planet known as Loron in search of a man who goes only by the name ?Reever?. Starway is actually there to interrogate Reever and find out what he knows about the Chix invasion. The Chix are a species of fast evolving, highly dangerous creatures, capable of killing almost anything in a matter of seconds.
The reason Reever knows about the Chix is because it is rumored that he has been supplying a neighboring race, the Nasus Letalis. ?Nosed Deadly?. A group of religious aliens that believe the Chix are a gift from the gods to be used to purge the heathen worlds, and assert the dominance of their god , Bruul. The Chix are spreading rapidly and grow in numbers quickly, thanks to reproductive genes. But the Chix aren't intelligent enough to have mastered out of world travel. Seeing the Chix's ability as a danger, the nearest planet's formed the Tri-Patronus. The Three protectors. These planet's have insured that no ships get in to or out of the planet Chix.


One of the Tri-Patronus' most zealous members, the planet Pioria, Even built a lab on the planet to watch the chix evolution as a species, and contain the numbers, as, again, the Chix reproduce rapidly. The Pioria have raised concerns numerous times as they watched the Chix, and have many times put forth a desire to have the Chix annihilated as a species. An event known as the Lab 305 conspiracy marked the end of Pioria's involvment in the Tri-Patronus, as it was discovered Pioria had taken it into their own hands to end the Chix, and were developing a biological virus to infect and spread amongst the chix species, wiping them out completely.


After this fact was discovered, and Pioria was completely removed from the dealings involving Chix, a great dispute was once again waged. Numerous planets once again raised votes on annihilating the Chix species, while others once again voted against it. It was at this time that the Nasus Letalis made their appearance. Having taken a stance of isolationism, few knew anything about the Nasus, and even fewer had ever been on their planet. Those who had been, reported peace and balance. It was almost unanimously decided that the Nasus should fill Pioria's place in the Tri-Patronus. After almost two uneventful decades, the Tri-Patronus was disbanded, and the Nasus Letalis were give sole responsibility over the Chix.
Aram
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2014 12:56 pm

What Do You Think Of My Writing?

Postby Fonsie » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:20 am

I understand you need to explain, but you don't need to explain everything right away. you need to break up the explanations of everything.
You need to have some action in the first few paragraphs or it doesn't catch the reader.
I'm not being mean it's very interesting and has potential, but i was bored. You need whats called a hook. You need to bond with the reader.
Start out at Reever's arrest, how does he know about the Chix? Explain a little of his back story with some action. Not an essay
Fonsie
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 12:06 pm

What Do You Think Of My Writing?

Postby Colten » Thu Oct 05, 2017 12:43 am

If it's not the actual writing, then how can we give any critique to it? You wanted to know what we thought of your writing, not your plot summary. If your actual writing is anything like this, then I wouldn't have many positive things to say. It's bland and stiff and doesn't flow well, almost like reading a textbook. Too much explanation and not enough story-telling or imagery.
Colten
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Thu Jan 02, 2014 7:57 am


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