I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm told I have ADD ,but I can never focus. I feel overwhelmed with everything ,and can't even get the things I want to go after in life. I want to help people ,but I can't even help myself ,and I feel as if I have only had 5 days in my life where I was on top of everything. I have no health insurance. I tried Adderall which made me get hallucinations ,and fear and anxiety which never would stop. I tried fish oil and St. Johns Wort which so far does well ,but still doesn't get me to focus. I've tried L-Tyrosine pills to help me get the energy I need to get things done ,but those don't work. I've tried drinking lots of water which should aide with brain function ,but yet I still can't get the most out of my day. I'm always sleeping ,and feel like I want to destroy something at the end of the day because I am so frustrated ,but I restrain myself. I feel like a mad man. I can't relate to people ,and have a lack of empathy. I've tried prayer and meditation ,but meditation is the only thing that even comes close to helping. Prayer doesn't help. God will not help. I need help! I wish I could live life to the fullest. I'm tired of feeling miserable ,and isolated as if everyone else is moving forward ,but I am not. I have a type A personality ,and can't even conquer the day like a champion. I see everyone around me doing what I find is impossible ,and feel my dreams will never be fulfilled without help. I'm 18 and it's hard to see everyone else my age with the things that I lack. People say ADD many people in history benefited from this disorder. Some don't believe it exists ,and some like me wake up every morning ,and maybe get two little things done. I need someone creditable to help. I feel I can't live my life any longer without the focus I need to succeed. I hate myself ,and am an outcast to society. It's like a dream ,and a lack of reality.