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After Leaving: Domestic Abuse Victim Looking For A Job?

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2017 12:10 pm
by Caldre
It is a rough road after leaving an abusive spouse. Not only do I have to deal with physical and emotional issues, but my now ex tried everything to ruin my life if I should ever leave. Which I did.

I went back to school, but now that I am graduating and looking for full time employment, I'm starting to feel victimized by him all over again.

He ruined my credit - I found out in the process of leaving that I have huge unpaid medical bills, several credit cards (I didn't even know about some of them, others he told me were paid) that defaulted. He allowed the bank to foreclose on our home. And last summer, he filed a false report that I broke and entered our home and stole his property (I asked to retrieve some artwork and papers from the home before the bank seized it).

I have no medical insurance, and student loans come due in about 6 months. I have a car from the divorce that was not maintained and falling apart. (He kept my car, a 2006 Kia, while I got his 1999 Buick).

To top it all off, Unemployment is at an all time high still and employers for even minimum wage jobs are running credit and background checks. So, due to my ex's abuse, I'm finding I am not getting call backs after getting interviews and the "we are offering you XYZ job" - because they run the background and credit check and I can only guess the red flags. I do well, and they even ask when I can start, but this "formality" seems to end conversations.

I can't repay anyone or improve my credit without a full time job, I can't undo any of the stuff he did, because we were married and I can't prove I didn't go along with any of the stuff he did. I have no family references, and part of his abuse was making sure I didn't have any close friends. My employment history was spotty because of his abuse (stalking, taking my car, withholding gas money, etc.).

I don't know what to do. Should I let potential employers know I'm the survivor of domestic abuse? And if so, when? I mean how does one address this in a cover letter? Wait til the end of the interview? There is no entry on a job application for this. Is there something I can send to credit reporting agencies?

After Leaving: Domestic Abuse Victim Looking For A Job?

PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:22 pm
by Asif
Sorry, but your story is too hard to believe. I have never heard of a judge allowing what you claim is happening to you.

After Leaving: Domestic Abuse Victim Looking For A Job?

PostPosted: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:56 am
by Domicio
It is always easier to assume you would know what to do when put into certain situations. It is so easy to say "you should do this or that", but until that person has walked in your shoes, they have no idea what you are experiencing. To say they would never allow that to happen or would do "x" or "y" is ridiculous. Nobody knows how they will react to something until faced with it. There are too many factors to consider and it isn't as easy to leave an abusive relationship as people think. We don't ask to be abused because we stay, sometimes we don't have a choice. Kids, jobs, safe place to stay, family and friends all contribute to the reasons why a woman may or may not leave an abusive relationship.

After Leaving: Domestic Abuse Victim Looking For A Job?

PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:38 am
by Cillan
Hard to believe? Try SOP for West Virginia. I could have filed bankruptcy with him and not been able to get divorced for 5 years, or however long that took. My kids were from a previous relationship, and after being their "dad" for nearly 15 years, because he never adopted them, no child support. I got "spousal support" until I finished school, that's up a month before first student loan payment is due - and he tries to control me through that (I never know when he'll pay it, and he refuses to mail it). I couldn't afford a lawyer, so the local women's shelter hooked me up with Legal Aide....great lawyer....told me asking for 15% of his salary (net, not gross) was too much. Suggested I take a POS car, so I could get more than $700 a month to live off of (he makes $7K a month, plus bonuses).