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Step Father Unsure How To React To Biological Dad?

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Step Father Unsure How To React To Biological Dad?

Postby Myung-Dae » Wed Oct 11, 2017 5:43 am

hi, I'm the step father to three great kids, a girl aged 12 and two boys, 14 and 16. At the moment only the 12 and 14 year old stay with us as the 16 year old moved out last year (our relationship is fine!)

I'm also the father to my own daughter, aged three who unfortunately has a minor learning disability.

For the past five years I've raised all the kid equally as if they were my own, this was because their real dad was flaky, he never called, never sent a birthday card or Christmas present. He would cancel their yearly visit on occasion (which when it did happen we pay for).

I believe in making sure the kids stayed in contact, he wasn't a terrible guy just a bad dad, So I arranged to move closer to him (still many 100's of miles away, but closer). This year he called up the day before and tried to cancel on them,the kids were so upset the 14 year old even went as far to admitting I was his "dad" and had been all along, I feel bad about it now but at the time I couldn't have imagined anything better than him saying that.

Normally we make other holiday arrangements for them but this year we got angry with him over it and in the end we managed to persuade his own mother to lend him money to pay for the holiday. So the kids went down to see him.

On returning a few weeks later it was as if someone had placed me into an alternate reality, suddenly their biological father was the best thing in the world, he had used the money loaned to buy them expensive gifts, promised them the world (literally cars and insurance when they were old enough expensive phones for christmas etc). he is arranging to have their passports made up so he can see them more often. Despite us trying to get the passports made in the past when he for some reason stopped us by holding onto birth certificates.

Suddenly its like i've regressed back 5 years to "big brother" stature, They call him father all over facebook and he really labours the point at every opportunity.

When my own daughter was given the diagnosis it was as if I was robbed of my own daughter, I feel exactly the same way now, they are still living in my house and I love them to pieces but they don't see me any more.

So much rambling, sorry. My question, I know deep down this is probably a good thing for them, they are getting more attention and it sure will help around birthdays and Christmas for a change. But I feel hurt and betrayed by allowing myself to get too close to them.

Anyone any experience with things like this?
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Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:55 am

Step Father Unsure How To React To Biological Dad?

Postby Niles » Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:42 am

I agree with the above answer. Also when the kids grow up a little more that will realize that the love you showed was far greater then the monitary gifts he is promising now.
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Joined: Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:28 am

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