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Need Help With Irrational Jealousy?

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Need Help With Irrational Jealousy?

Postby Raedeman » Sun Sep 17, 2017 10:45 pm

I am getting a little desperate, about 8 months ago my wife told me about a couple of situations at her work where a couple of guys had hit on her, a year previous someone senior had also tried to kiss her and she had to confront him, she told me about all occurances and assured me she had handled it and i had nothing to worry about, as time went on i started feeling jealous of her work and wondering what was going on there during the day, its a small office and there is lots of inappropriate conversation, i started to take small things my wife would tell me and my mind seemed to turn them into something i needed to worry about, a sign that someone else might hit on her for example, i worry that since i had such a meltdown over the last couple times if she would even tell me if something happened, every day when she is at work i seem to have full blown anxiety and panic attacks, my wife is really supportive and i know i can trust her, she has also been super sympathetic but i think as far as she is done, nothing ever happened and she doesnt want to talk about it any more, just wants to live our life, she is friendly and outgoing at work and told me she is not going to change her personality, nor would i expect her to, if someone crosses the line she will tell them she is happily married. Everything in our marriage is solid except it would seem, my mind and how it seems to want to make me feel bad based upon some insecurities in my past. I feel really sad and i dont know what to do, i feel like if i talk anymore to my wife i will put pressure on my marriage which is the last thing i want, i would go see a counsilor but my wife will see the bill and then she will know i have still have some lingering problems. I feel stuck in a bad spot and i feel embarrased, right now i deal with this via xanax when i am feeling panic, this doesnt seem like a long term solution. I have an irrational hatred toward her work and most of the people who work there, probably for irrational reasons too. How do i overcome this? any thoughts would really be appreciated, in my heart of hearts i know i have a perfect marriage but i cant find a way to stabilize irrational thoughts etc, thanks for any contructive advice, btw let me re-emphasize my wife has been totally supportive thru this but doesnt know i still have problems, as to her nothing was a big deal, thanks
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Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:26 am

Need Help With Irrational Jealousy?

Postby jordan60 » Mon Sep 18, 2017 6:54 pm

I think you need to tell her that if there's something that happens that she deals with and is not a problem for you to worry about then - DON'T tell you about it.
Tell her you're glad she's strong and can handle anything that comes her.

It's inciting jealousy and obviously is affecting you severely.
Go out and have fun.
By the way, if she loves you and knows you're unhappy and if seeing a counselor helps you then, I don't think she'll have a problem with it.
FYI a lot of counselors/social workers/therapists take insurance so you'd only have to pay a co-pay which you could do in cash.

Good luck.
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Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 1:23 pm

Need Help With Irrational Jealousy?

Postby Ern » Wed Sep 20, 2017 12:54 am

It is good that your wife supports you and its also good that are trying not to pressure her.....i also understand about the panic attacks maybe thats what causing you to feel like this, just have good thoughts about your wife and try not to think bad jealous thoughts, yes at workplaces there is always innapropriate people, i think you should remember what your wife tells you not to worry about anything and always remember that she loves you, and if she hasnt given you any reason to doubt her then you should not do it at all......or even have bad thoughts of any kind.......i think maybe you should go to a counselor by yourself not your wife unless she wants to go for support
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Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:30 am

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