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So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

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So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Codell » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:34 am

We live in a travel trailer, not very big, and once a week or so I give the whole trailer a once-over, or try based on how much time I have.
Sometimes the dishes pile in the tiny sink for a day or so, especially if I cook in our little toaster oven or on the stove instead of us eating TV dinners and food from the microwave.


Now, both of us work-- most of the time we both work around 32 hours a week, but lately he's been doing 40 because of the holidays (and I've done 40 one week, too).
We don't have a lot of free time and only one vehicle working.
Because of our hours, my mom has to pick me up and drop me off for work most days.
He usually doesn't even if I'm on and he's off.
When he has a day off that I am working, he usually spends his time goofing off with friends and sleeps the rest of the day until I come in, and expects me to wake him up and make dinner after I've finished work.
On days I have off, I spend some of my time on the internet or read or watch TV, but try to clean as much as I relax and don't sleep until it's time for me to go to bed, usually.
Not that I usually have anywhere else to go or any friends to come over and goof off with all day.

He used to clean the house before we married (in July) and cook, and cleaned the yard and worked on his boat.
Now he acts like it's all my job to take care of the house, gets upset with me because he hasn't finished his boat, says the yard is for him to clean but then doesn't clean it and I have cleaned it twice (and the lady we rent from wants it cleaned again and he says it isn't messy-- I'm not arguing with him, but his boat stuff is all over and it needs a rake and he has stuff he needs to put in the shed that he hasn't).


And our money situation isn't great, either... not that we make much, and he does usually pay the rent, but I have to pay off a storage unit I can't get to to try to clear out and have a yard sale to get rid of a lot of it.
Besides, I'd like him to go through it with me so he and I can decide together what we should keep and what should go, but on days we're both off, he decides we should spend the whole day relaxing around the house.
Now, I'd love if we could do this, but we have to run errands out, like going to mom's to wash clothes, mailing bills (we both have medical bills that I am paying), and other things we always seem to have to do.
By the time we finish that stuff, we're usually pretty tired and hungry and come home with him complaining that I wasted the whole day! Heaven forbid if I spend any time with my family, too- even if it was his idea.
He gets on my case about that, too!

And the money situation-- he pays the rent and the insurance on the cars from his account, less than 450, plus his phone bill, which totals 500.
Sure, that's a lot, but he spends the rest each month just having fun, which is more than that much more-- and mostly just for him to have fun except sometimes he pays for us to have breakfast when we get our checks.

I pay out over 200 for the storage unit, about another 50 for my phone bill, around 300 a month for food and necessities, and about another 50 a month to keep the bill collectors off our backs.
I don't make as much as he does on a good month and he often ends up asking me to pay out for stuff he wants on top of all that, which I usually end up doing.


Also, when he's sick, he takes off work, but I can't afford to.
I have to cover the bills when he takes off.
Sometimes his check is half what it should be.
Right now, my nose is running like a faucet and I think I'm running a fever and I'm still going in to work to be sure we can meet our bills the next paycheck-- and pay back the payday advance I had to get to meet the rent last month.


Has anyone else had all these problems and worked them out? I love him and when we aren't stressing about this stuff, we're awesome together.
I'm afraid all this stress is going to kill our marriage as it has so many other people's.
Does anyone have any advice for how I can get him to do half without the arguments, and spend a little less time goofing off with his buddies and all so we can get to where we're saving money instead of wasting it?

Please help...
Codell
 
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:13 pm

So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Qiao » Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:41 am

I say this from my own personal experience ; men are the weaker sex. They are babies and they need to be babied. Your husband doesnt want to take any extra responsibilities because he is lazy and he just wants to do the minimum possible in life. He wants to work and come home and do whatever he pleases. He thinks you will do everything else because thats what has been happening.


You should leave the dishes and take off with your friends. leave them until he has no chosei but to do them and dont cook for him or wash his clothes or anything else. Let him do it once in a while to remind him how much you ACTUALLY do for him.


Men cant handle doing it all because THEY ARE BABIES. Women are strong and productive and men weigh us down. Its the sad truth but I has seen it many many times. My husband is a prime example. He cant handle it.


It is no joke when I tell you that if my husband had to stay at home for week alone with our kids, I would come home to him crying in a corner pulling his hair, the bathtub overflowing, my 3 year old running around with a knife fighting invisible priates and our 8 month old sticking her finger in a light socket.

This is the case for many men and it sounds like your husband is one of them.

So sorry but unless you want to leave him cause he is lazy and a male chauvanist, then you need to suck it up and deal with it. His not wanting to clean is just the tip of the problem. When and if you have kids, then the problems will really kick in because hes still not gonna help even when your running on 1 hour of sleep, he will be complaining he only slept 5 hours!!!
Qiao
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 6:21 pm

So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Attleigh » Thu Aug 10, 2017 5:18 pm

sounds tough! I wouldnt have married a man like this... If you want this marriage to work I would do something about it now! put ur foot down u are still newlyweds and that is just plain crap -he is treating u bad and taking advantage! ... dont u want more? id leave and never look back, especially if he is lazy! If I had a hard working man that ried to better his life and mine then it would be different! but i wouldnt put up with any of what u wrote!

good luck
Attleigh
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2014 8:08 pm

So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Lucius » Thu Aug 10, 2017 8:25 pm

convinced its undesirable for the youngsters well being yet in all honesty if the youngsters are fed, washed, and bypass to school then social facilities are frequently satisfied. you may probably fall out with your spouse and children in case you presented any of it up yet in case you extremely want the youngsters lives to strengthen i'd say some thing or bypass over and help clean up, help the 14 12 months previous, its not trouble-free to attempt to be a teenager once you should do the failings the adults might want to be doing like observing the youngsters and cleansing, possibly take her out for the day get her to open up and inspire her to speak to mum. prepare her the thanks to bathe effectively, someone has to do the housekeeping. possibly go away advice leaflets about weed and alcohol about for dad to confirm, the way it undesirable in air for bronchial asthma etc. No-you'll stress him to offer up yet reinforcing how undesirable this is for his children is a step in properly route.
Lucius
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 8:20 pm

So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Bornani » Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:16 am

No, I'm not living the high life.
I do enjoy a lot of our lives together, but it's definitely not the high life.
The closest thing is if he decides to buy a Miller High Life and he drinks it!

Freedom Fighter- do you know any places, like churches maybe, where you can get free marriage counseling.
We can't afford to pay, sadly.
If anyone knows a place in Polk County, FL, please tell me! We should have taken the pre-marriage course, but didn't have time.

?????? ??????

I wrote a list of all the chores I could come up with and finances, etc.
He just doesn't even really look at it or listen when I try to go over it.
I tried not doing stuff (sometimes I get so busy I can't do it all, too) and he just gets mad and says if I can't keep the house clean I can leave.
Later he says he didn't really mean it, but what if he means it one day? The place is his.
Before, I lived with my mom.
I can't survive on my check alone.
If people laughed at him be
Bornani
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2014 7:12 pm

So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Burcet » Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:43 pm

marriage counseling.
Burcet
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:51 pm

So My Husband Barely Helps Around The House And Is Often On My Case About The House?

Postby Amory » Sat Aug 12, 2017 2:06 pm

You's really need to sit down work on your finances, who does what around the house, and spending quality time! I'm sure he can get off his **** and do the dishes a couple of nights a week. He helps make the mess so he can help clean them up! My husband pulled the same act, he said he can clean outside, and that he works more then me so it's fair. I had enough! When in reality he was only cleaning the yard once a week because that's all it needed and I was doing the washing, cleaning, ironing, cooking etc 7 days a week! I stopped everything! He started helping me when he had to start wearing dirty clothes to work and all his work friends were laughing at him, now he defiantly helps around the house. You got to be firm and put your foot down otherwise he is just going to walk all over you for the rest of your life.
Amory
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2014 3:10 am


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