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I Feel Extremely Guilty For Cutting Because Of My Family?

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I Feel Extremely Guilty For Cutting Because Of My Family?

Postby Azi » Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:37 pm

So i cut before because my parents were really mad at me for something stupid I did, I felt so disgusting and fat, and my mom called me an idiot in the meanest voice ever and I still believe it. So I carved 'Fat' and 'IDIOT' into myself as well as 10 into my thighs to remind me to lose 10 pounds. Anyway, when my parents found out they were so sad. My mom told me it was really stupid and she got mad at me and my dad was considering lowering his job responsibility so that he could pay more attention to me. That should have made me feel amazing but it made me feel TERRIBLE. They thought about even getting me therapy! I'm the oldest of 6 and we have good money but I'm not worth all of that money in therapy! I just hate that they love me so much and care about me when I'm despicable and dont deserve it! I dont want their pity but at the same time I don't want my mom telling me that cutting myself was 'the stupidest thing ive ever done' which surprise surprise makes me feel like twice the idiot and horrible. I feel like a freak and a disappointment to my family. Wu do they still love me after all I've done to hurt and sadden them? The fat that they are so forgiving makes me feel twice as guilty! I love them so much
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Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 7:56 am

I Feel Extremely Guilty For Cutting Because Of My Family?

Postby Derell » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:16 am

you need lots of support, Sunshine. i think you must have heard a lot of negative things about therapy.
you are kind of doing anonymous therapy here. please consider going.
it doesn't mean you are crazy. basically you sit in a comfortable chair and talk to the therapist about whatever you want. you never need to rush, or talk about your whole life. you are not giving up any of your control. you don't have to go near any painful subject until you are ready. you never have to talk about anything you don't want to. ever. you can say you feel uncomfortable about talking about something and it won't be brought up again. you will not be judged.
there is a lot of power in sitting with an adult who isn't trying to be an authority figure. you can vent all over him whenever you want to. it's not like a teacher or parent relationship. actually,it's the other way around. you are paying for his time,skill and knowledge. but,he works for you, that means you can fire his a** . whenever you want to.
nothing you say will ever leave that room. nothing you say will be told to your parents, and it will be made clear to them not to question you about details.
pick one you like. male or female. check out ratings and look at their bio to see their ages. *of course, some are very skilled and there must be some that have graduated at the bottom of their class.lol.
*success ultimately depends on liking and trusting him.you develop a bond with him,an alliance.

it's to help you get a happier life it will give you self esteem ,self assurance and self respect.. you totally deserve to have that. it will take a few visits for you to get to know him,and you can leave whenever you want to and find another therapist that you 'fit' better with.don't stress about dumping them. most people switch therapists. none of your friends will know you are going. NOTHING you say will surprise or shock your therapist. if your parents don't have insurance then you can usually pay a therapist what an insurance company would give them plus your copay. that way, the guy doesn't have to do the paper work.

Sunshine,don't stress over the money. it's a good investment for your parents to make. when you get older, get a great job and pay them back if you want to. they will be proud of that. the next time you feel like cutting,or you feel alone and depressed, please call 1-800 273-talk(8255) talk
Posts: 45
Joined: Sat Feb 08, 2014 9:04 pm

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