My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year now, at the time we met he was seperated and has since filed for divorce. Actually everything has been great, except for one thing, his ex wife that he can't seem to cut the apron string with. She suffered from bipolar disorder/depression and never worked.
She literally spent all of their savings while he was working overseas, left bills unpaid, and left him with a huge pile of debt. She is the one who filed for divorce (was her second marriage) .


She currently lives out of state because she had a job lined up that she never took, and depends on my boyfriend to help her pay the rent , the car payment, has her, her adult daughter (his step daughter) and their 9 year old son on HIS health insurance, and still pays the "family" cell phone bill. I mean, how can you move to the most expensive area in the US (Los angeles) and expect to live without a job? Wants to send her daughter to college but never saved for her, with all the money she spent over the years.
I told him that this has to stop, she can not be enabled the rest of her life? She wanted the divorce, so she needs to stand on her own two feet, yet uses the son as a form of manipulation.
He said slowly this would all disappear, but it?s almost a year later? How can I date someone who is basically supporting his ex this way? Am I selfish to think this, or does anyone else think this is inapproriate? He really should be only concerned with taking care of his son.

It's simple...he's supporting her in all those other ways because he still cares. Regardless of what may come out of his mouth, his behaviors says that you're not #1.
So, I guess you need to figure out how long you want to be #2.

It means that you should run for the hills, because you deserve someone who only supports you, and in a healthy relationship there is no room for supporting exes

Your boyfriend is doing what he believes is right.
Whether or not you agree is really no concern of yours.
It is not whether you believe he is enabling his ex.
It is whether or not you wish to remain in a relationship with your boyfriend under these terms.
You can always end the relationship with your boyfriend if you so choose.
You can even offer him your advice and opinion if he asks you for it.
What you should not do is tell him how to live his own life.
You are only his girlfriend- not his wife.

Why doesn't he file for full custody of the boy? Seems like this woman will never get her life together, and the child doesn't deserve that.

You were already in a relationship with this man, yet his wife was the one who filed for divorce? And he's still supporting her?

He's still not just married, but also emotionally still involved with her.

You're his mistress,honey.

I think you are involved with a hot mess, and need to get out of this relationship.
Sounds like he wants to do what is right for his son, and in order to do that, he has to deal with her and all her problems.


Seriously, he has a truck load of baggage, and doesn't intend to do anything about it.


Your not married to him, so you don't have a leg to stand on.
If I were in your shoes, I would feel a little used. He may as well still be married to her if he is paying the rent, phone, car payment and college degrees.
In his mind, he is still committed to her or he wouldn't be doing all that stuff.


Its not appropriate.
Tell him how you feel, and then save yourself and move on before you waste anymore time in your dead end relationship.

Dating anyone who is divorced with children is a tough situtation.
You need to step back and see if that is something you are willing to live with the rest of your life or mariage, whichever ends first.

Its tough, been there.
Since you writing this, i think it would be best for you to back out slowly, find a nice single guy and have a happy wife.

When you marry a man with a X, you also inherit the pain X